Thursday, December 24

my favorite movies

sleepless in seattle you've got mail when harry met sally big titanic

Wednesday, December 16

If you purchase this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may have been stolen property and reported as "unsold and destroyed" to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this "stripped book."

Sunday, December 13

Friday, December 11

Monday, December 7

ugh, weird

Wednesday, November 25

Tuesday, October 27

things i like to eat

apples plums ice cream cones tofu dates beets

Thursday, October 15

Saturday, September 26

someone said "what's with this girl?" in reference to me. they were sitting two feet away from me so i didn't know if they wanted me to respond or not.
bed bugs
oh no

Wednesday, July 22

maybe i'll eat an avocado

i should save more change!
i should eat more vegetables!
seems like i always eat fruits!
i should light more candles!
they make me feel at ease!
i should physically write things down on pieces of paper more often than i do now!
i should use more conditioner on my hair to make it feel softer!
i should bring my dog to parties all the time!
i should eat more vegetables.

i am really craving a steak right now

i just ate two donuts
oops i got some glaze on my sweatshirt

Tuesday, July 14

"my wife and i met at a suicidal tendencies concert"

today the ups guy came into my work and told me to stop texting, that my bosses had told him to watch me because i texted too much. he said i was in trouble and i think he was really serious. he had a hot drink from starbucks and i wanted to push him into the shelves and tell him to get back to work. his exact words were "keep an eye on you"

Saturday, July 11

a poem about boyfriends

someone said they saw me on a bus and were waving but i didn't notice i was running away from home at the time
i had a lot on my mind
someone on the bus was reading a magazine with michael jackson on the cover
i have been watching a lot of videos on the internet of him
during which i felt sadness, indifference, empathy, and a strong desire for worldwide fame
someone covered "i want you back" on the ukulele
it was good i guess
i just wish it was me
some things seem unattainable

Tuesday, July 7

i feel like i am going to write more book reviews in the future
i feel like i am going to stop deleting things
and ripping pieces of paper into little bits
i feel like my hair is getting longer
i feel it

Sunday, July 5

i want to kill everybody when i'm drunk
"alcohol is the devil"
i don't believe in god, but a lot of things are the devil
i'm not drunk right now, if you were wondering
i flossed my teeth today and it was one of those days where you realize you were performing a standard routine incorrectly your whole life
 'i am mature now'
i have no patience
unrelated to anything, but still true.
i was serious earlier; i want to ichat with somebody
the bubbles are aesthetically pleasing
they comfort me almost
one thing that is bad:
since my two front teeth are fake, from a bicycle accident last february, they can't whiten like normal enamel, using chemicals. i drink a lot of coffee, or maybe just a general amount, i don't know. but the real kicker is that i fear my teeth turning a horrible shade of brown and i won't be able to do anything about it.
i think my nine year old sister said a racist comment today
but i'm not sure
she says a lot of things
is my sister a racist
my eyes are focusing and unfocusing

Tuesday, June 30

sometimes this is the way i feel

sometimes it's just like
"seriously? do i really look like that? really?


Friday, June 26

i went to the drugstore and bought reese's peanut butter cups and a large container of body lotion. after riding to the park i sat down for a little bit and looked at all the dads and thought how they were all once dudes

i am taking myself really seriously right now

Janet Reno is riding her bike so fast, like the tour de france but faster, she thinks, because she’s passing cars and hardly stopping at any stop signs. “I think I’m dead right now” she thinks, at the intersection of a moderately busy commercial street on the way to get to where she lives. If Janet Reno died she would want the velvet underground to play all the time, just because they seem like the absolute most appropriate. You know, ethereal, maybe. Desperate. “Such a perfect day,” Janet says out loud, yelling sort of, pedaling her bike and standing up a little bit, she isn’t wearing a helmet and feels reckless. There is a red blinking light clipped to her pants to warn the drivers of her presence. Janet Reno has already had a hairline fracture in her forearm as the result of carelessness. She thinks she forgot how to ride a bike, for a few minutes, and that’s when she crashed. It was traumatic and bloody, there was a lot of blood.

i got a check today in the mail

it was from my school and i don't know why they gave it to me but i said "cool", and i'll go shopping maybe
i think it'd be important to be more of a self-starter, a go-getter, etc
really good things recently have included a free membership to the movie rental place in redwood city where they have genres of the week that are 7 day rentals for $1, it's awesome and cool. not as cool as the library where it is generally just free anyways. i don't know, other things make it cool too.

i should get contacts, and not just because i saw this really cool looking contact case in a store on laurel street today. it had cat eyes on it and, i don't know, just looked like "if i have to have bad vision i might as well have corrected vision every day and also keep my contacts in this cool case at night"
i like things that you can carry around in cool cases. sometimes i'd just prefer to have something i don't really need, but with a cool case. i just think that makes a big difference.
the thing about my vision is this: i can hardly see straight sometimes, and i used to have a lazy eye when i was six or seven, and i wore an eyepatch over my glasses. i always tell people that suddenly i had corrected vision and didn't have to wear glasses anymore. i think i just stopped wearing them and my parents didn't notice because i was self-conscious or something. i don't know, or maybe an optometrist really did tell me that i didn't need glasses.

in high school i got glasses again. i am one of those people who never knew they desperately needed glasses, but kept hitting things when driving cars. i had no clue it was even possible to see the leaves on trees.

Tuesday, June 23


today i rode my bike like the tour de france

Sunday, June 21

my friends are jerks

will i ever thrive in a social situation when the ultimate goal is intimate conversation/mild tactile involvement with a specific human being in mind where i am not completely humiliated
will i ever stop assuming i have been completely humiliated
will i ever own my own dog
will i ever
i like to watch cops
i like to watch cops
i like to watch cops
i like to watch cops
i like to watch cops
i like to watch cops the tv show
i like to watch cops
i like to watch cops
i like to watch cops
it's such a good tv show

Friday, June 19

movie review!!!!

yesterday i watched a documentary called kill your idols. it was interesting, cool, mostly interesting.
last night i started a movie called reprise, which is in norwegian but took me a while to figure that out, it is a weird language. it is good. it is very good. i'm going to watch the rest of it today. probably right now. but this one seems good. very good.

Thursday, June 18

right now i have three pending event invitations on facebook and i haven't replied to any of them yet

i am just tickled pink by my exclusivity today i decided: i will stop reading the book i am reading in the middle of it and start another one this is the wildest thing i've done all summer

Wednesday, June 17

metaphysical experience

today i went to baskin robbins and asked to try their new 'wild 'n' reckless sherbert'. i ate it off the little spoon and said "tastes like crap" then threw it in the trash. i think the guy who worked there heard me and gave me a look that essentially said, "you are rude and possess no social graces". it was then that i knew he was right about everything!

Saturday, June 13

little triangles


2:18 am


haha, 'street fashion'
2:19 am


dumb page


i outlined too many things


i started thinking it was offensive so i added zines


like made them look like they were exploding
do you know what i mean
like an exploding border



little triangles


little triangles

Friday, June 12

i wrote this poem after eating a piece of pizza and drinking ice cold water they both hurt my teeth from the extremities of temperature

someone said it was the worst thing ever
i said okay please don't read it
but there it is
on the internet
cool, gratifying, good

i went to oakland and now i want to live there, i don't think it's hard to do

mark my words

Thursday, June 11

who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat who wants to ichat

Wednesday, June 10


i finished this book in two days which is unusual for me sort of but maybe because i haven't read a novel in a long time. i partly felt like i had to read it fast like when people say they read a book in a day it makes me feel like i should be doing that to be more of an "avid reader", or speed reading is required to be called "a person who reads a lot of books". when i read short fiction i like to take a lot of time to read it and read it over a few times because the third time i read something is usually when i really "get it". i don't know if that's true i don't really know exactly why i said that anyways.
okay so, the book. it was 256 pages. now that i say that maybe it was three days.
the words i would use to describe this book would be "sweet" and "kind of funny but sad also". it's about a young girl, maybe 10 or 11 or 12 i'm not sure if it's ever really specified, but she has two sisters and a brother and is very poor and lives in new york. her family's garbage piles up in her house because they don't have personal garbage disposal which i guess you have to have in new york. she is friends with a hot dog vendor who gives her hersheys bars and her brother wears a blue silk robe, she says "fuck" a lot and a scene in spain is involved and i think she also has a dog. like i said it is "sweet" and "kind of funny but also sad" and would encourage somebody i know on a moderately intimate level to read it.

the way i feel about bob dylan

i don't really listen to him that much and when i do i sometimes feel like a boring urban white person, even though i am, but even more so. occasionally i will find a song that i really like and i will listen to it over and over again. thus i feel like less of a boring urban white person, like that one song is really essential, or something, i don't know

Monday, June 8

here is some stuff i am going to do

be more specific
get into potential marathon shape, i think it would feel fulfilling to complete a marathon but probably a half marathon 'realistically'
not letting reality impose upon limitations
******five hundred sit ups********
writing down my dreams because i always forget or neglect to remember they were dreams. like sometimes i have dreams where people are being mean to me or doing things i'm displeased with then i am angry with them in real life, it's irrational
i am going to organizing my project into fruition if you are interested send me an email it will be a zine collective and i think the hardest part will be making copies because i fucking hate the people at kinkos/fedex office
but on that topic, yes, the project, fruition, etc
but then again maybe my dreams are 'trying to tell me something', does anyone believe in this theory, why or why not

Friday, June 5


i want to go on whatever diet plan nicole richie is on

Wednesday, June 3


this morning the building inspector came to our house and i was still in bed. i was reading a book. he made a joke about it being too early and i laughed sort of. he was checking the outlets or something, i'm not sure exactly. since then i've been sitting on the couch that my dog ripped a hole in. he thought we had hid a million tennis balls underneath the leather. our cable box keeps turning on and off and off and on and it is making a small noise every, maybe, ten minutes or so.
i think i'm obsessed with affection
i can't stop eating cereal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 2

foggy eyes

is my itunes trying to tell me something

Sunday, May 31

i see now how people can be attracted to the idea of religious cults

Friday, May 29

just tell me if i should be worried about your drinking habit

today we sat at a coffee bar
they had many different kinds of beans
we sat at the corner table

we communicated through writing only
in the notebook you bought at safeway
we were there for an hour
you said you felt wired
you said you felt drunk
from the coffee, i guess
the beans were ground right in front of our faces

we walked around for three hours
trying to find pizza
i said 'damn' and 'jeez'
because of the heat, and because of the walk, and because last time i saw you
you were wearing the same shirt

we found tacos
i got coke in a bottle
it was refreshing and i wanted four more

we got more coffee
then you went to work

Patty Duke played Hellen Keller
in the movie Hellen Keller
"the greatest actress" said my sister
her eyes were closed
she put her hand to her chest
"The Greatest Actress Ever"
i'm refreshing my facebook page
you are at work
i'm listening to the misfits
you're not thinking about me

Thursday, May 28

feelings of imminent failure  and underachievement ensue

Wednesday, May 27

today i bought "best american short stories 1999"
i already have the 1992 edition
i like this series
1999 is all marked up, underlined, circled, bracketed
seems 'ghostly'
i also bought some pink converse, a book called "a guide to confident living", and i stole a glasses case that doesn't even fit my glasses. this feels like some sort of backwards retribution to me. some notable chapters in "a guide to confident living" are
III. How to Get Rid of Your Inferiority Complex
VII. Forget Failures and Go Ahead
X. How to Avoid Getting Upset
XIII. Change Your Thoughts and You Change Everything
when i showed my brother my new shoes he said, "pink converse?" and i said, "yes is that bad"
he said, "pink converse?"
i said, "why are you saying it like that, is this bad"
he said, "well, you converse."
in new york i drank coffee in a cafe that was a grocery store at first but you had to walk up the stairs above the market that sold produce and basic general items to get to the cafe that served coffee, also salads and sandwiches. upon drinking the coffee i said "mm, tastes good"
my dad said it tasted like cleaning supplies
i thought it was just "new york coffee"
they made us a new pot
i brought home scented candles for my father and almost set his home on fire; he is not mad
notable exchange:
"i bought some fish oil supplements today, and i am going to eat them all at once"
"i'm distracted"


i want to write a research paper and maybe compile a power point on my little sister. she is the most fascinating person i have ever come across and i enjoy her company more than anyone else's. she says things like "what in the world" and "eggsellent" and recently started referring to everyone as 'dudes'. she gets this from my brother and i, i think. "you're just a bunch of teenagers," she always says. we watched 'i am legend together' and now thinks the phrase "I WAS SAVING THAT BACON" is applicable to all situations, because at one point will smith says that. it's funny. it's hilarious. we took a trip to the east coast and there was this chat feature on the plane. you could invite anybody from any seat to chat with you via the television screens on the back of the seats. she told me about her fat friend who is mean and never does her homework. i suggested she might have problems at home that contribute to her obesity and lack of attentiveness in school. she said "maybe"
22C: sarz Has joined this chat session
22F: teel hello
22C: sarz ok what's up
22F: teel non
22C: sarz you speak french
22F: teel no
22C: sarz non is french i think
they should have planes for dogs
22F: teel really
i know
what's a giant to a giant
22C: sarz is that a joke
22F: teel is what a joke
22C: sarz what's a giant to a giant
is there a punch line
22F: teel no i'm just asking
22C: sarz that's an interesting question
it has recently occurred to me that i am an underachiever
i spelled "occurred" wrong, only with one R. that was depressing

Thursday, May 21

i have nothing to do for three hours

i can never go back to the san carlos library 
i owe them 34,000 dollars
just kidding
that would be funny if it were true
funny in a sad way, maybe, i don't know
seems like they'd take you to jail if that were a real situation 
listening to french music makes me feel whimsical
and sort of cultured
but i just downloaded it on the internet
and i'm just sitting in my room
in america
that doesn't make me cultured, i don't think
i'm going on a double decker bus tour in new york city with my family
does that make me cultured
i think it will be fun, despite my apprehension at first
'that is sooooooooo touristy' is what i told my dad
'we are tourists' is what he said
sad realization, wish i was a native to every place
does anyone want to read this
i don't think so
i'm hungry 
i'd like a steak

Wednesday, May 20

Comptine D' un Autre

i finished two papers today that i have to turn in tomorrow, i'm scared to read them
actually reading a book now that i wrote a paper on, should have read it earlier, it's a little bit interesting surprisingly
i'm sick of talking about papers, this isn't even interesting, nobody wants to read this
my eyes hurt
i think i will be embarrassed by the grades i got this semester, it's unfortunate they are a direct reflection of your worth as a human being
roommate is getting me taco bell. she asked me how hungry i was and i said 'mildly interested in food'
i think this is true in most cases
she will surprise me with a menu item, i wonder what it will be
i love summer goals and personal development specifically
i bought a denim jacket today
i wrote "jean" at first then changed it to "denim", i think it sounds better
i'm going to new york on friday at 5 am
cool, great
taco bell was closed, shoot
my first year of college is over, is that definitive in any way
i thought taco bell was open twenty four hours
we're getting cheese pizza instead
i can never go back to the library, i owe them $34,000
haha, just kidding

Tuesday, May 19


brain dead
i don't feel brain dead actually
just sort of uninspired and overwhelmed
i feel plain
like plain yogurt

Monday, May 18

i told my dad i did acid via facebook chat

i am still his favorite child

amy hempel

Sunday, May 17


in a moment of panic i bought an essay online for $6.99
not only does the school probably monitor my internet activity
and i will be jailed for my indiscretions
but this essay sucks and i would never even use it
not even for reference
i could have bought a gourmet sandwich

Saturday, May 16

today i ate

tofu scramble one piece of bacon little potato chunks
three cups of coffee
hummus and pesto bagel, sounds gross, it wasn't
iced coffee
chicken flavored top ramen
capn crunch cocoa puffs froot loops all in one bowl
frozen yogurt
coffee heath bar ice cream
some chips


i'm bored
it was hot today
i got a sunburn
i miss my friends, even though they haven't left yet
wish i had a hot tub
or a five course meal
which would be better

Friday, May 15

i didn't do anything today

Thursday, May 14

i have a quiz on a book i haven't read, because i picked it up and thought "this is going to be hard," and put it down. i also thought "there is no point, what is a grade," then had a vision of myself still in college after twenty five years maybe just doodling or sitting around drinking root beer, i don't know how i feel about this. maybe sort of neutral.
conclusion: if i smoke pot before my quiz my esp senses will become activated and i will predict all of the answers and get an a
seriously, i actually thought this
is something wrong with me

Wednesday, May 13

i accidentally won something on ebay, whoops

i think my dad reads this

hi dad

Monday, May 11

am i just tricking you

into thinking i have something to say


There is a very very very very very light rain, and someone will die today. The weather reminds a man of his old car that was taken through a statewide cruise with a woman who he is not sure if he could call a girlfriend at the time. She was thin and funny and not much else. She had a nice face when she laughed too loud and rarely expressed annoyance when he repeated himself. This is the reason he slept with her for exactly three months, and because it’s winter or because he is older or because he tucks his shirt into his pants some days, his memories are becoming increasingly repressed, and since the summer of the statewide cruise he has cut many things out of his diet, including alcohol, bread and some cheeses. He drinks four cups of coffee.

He will not go to work today, and says this out loud to an empty house. If he could wear casual sandals to work he would but the dress code is highly enforced so he chooses to stay home and watch television. He feels dilaptidated by the news, uplifted by sitcoms, severly depressed at commercials. He has never felt so much emotion.

The man’s hair was long in the summer of the statewide cruise.

He pretended to drink in excess and destroy personal proprety in order to uphold the commitments that went along with being so fucking metal. The woman wasn’t old, she was very young, even still, and once he saw her chop off most of her hair in a kitchen with dull scissors. He felt embarrassed watching her, and imagined an earthquake or other severe natural disaster where the repercussions would be heavy objects falling, the dull scissors gauging out the woman’s eyes, and therefore losing her beauty and sense of humor. He is gratified by the feeling of others losing essential attributes. It is true that you can chop off your hair or grow it very long when you are still very young. Society embraces medium length hair in adulthood. It is acceptable.

The man is sure of the fact that the woman would call him bland and indecisive if she asked.

After watching television for fifteen hours he wants to put something unlikely in his food processor, a pineapple or a shoe. He would like to see something pulverized into a fine dust and feels like he ate a million bad fish. His hands shake and the man wishes he paid more attention to consequences. In place of sleeping at night he would like to plan out all of the meals he will have for the rest of his life. All he can think of, though, is pizza.


Sunday, May 10

i have been published in transfer magazine (#97)
it hasn't come out yet
probably next week
i am happy
i feel compelled to mention this news
but also a little dumb
so, there's that

sunburned shoulders

can't lift anything or give anyone high fives
would like to disregard my commitments
am seriously considering a paper writing service for finals
"i've been thinking about dropping out"
this isn't true, should stop saying this
going to europe is going to cost a lot of money
more than i thought
i feel guilty spending money
but why do i have it if i don't spend it
oh, yeah, to save
fuck saving
fuck sandwiches
i hate the indoors

Friday, May 8

if my eyes are burning does that mean i'm tired
or i should stop looking at the computer
blogs are like the new 'thing'
i feel anxious about writing in one, also about putting stories somewhere public it's like i'm bragging. if you were a nurse or a  doctor or computer technician you wouldn't really have anything to brag about, except if you were a doctor i guess. also nurses can also brag sometimes but i'm talking about like community college nurses who i think do pretty basic procedural stuff that is boring and involves numbers and charts, i'd be no good at that. i'm a leo, so i like to brag i think that is why i want to be a writer, because i am a leo and i like people telling me that they enjoy what i do. i think i need affirmation all the time or constant attention, are those two the same things.
i know if i just say what i feel like it's whatever, because it's just what i'm saying and i shouldn't be embarrassed but it's like being in a cover band, if you suck it's not embarrassing, actually it's better if you suck because then you can be, like, a "funny" band and people will want to hang out with you. 

Thursday, May 7

art is hard

the girls i live with are doing interpretive dance, actually it's only one of them and the other is underneath the table, she is just lying under there and i don't know what she's doing but the dancing one is pointing and she looks professional. "you look professional," i say and she keeps dancing, she looks very happy but says she is going to keel over and i think about all of that fucking pasta i made. 
christy's on fire tonight, she wants to score some e, or at least that's what she said, from underneath the table, maybe i should have not mentioned her name maybe that's "sketch". i think that was a joke probably. these girls are nuts, crazy, absolutely nuts but i do love every part of them.
i tried to draw portraits of all of my friends but they kept looking like cuba gooding, jr. and colin powell. i only have one friend i can draw superbly, maybe he is perfectly angular for the way i hold my pen, i don't know.
liz is wearing a bra on her head i told her to get my comb but she hasn't, my hair is getting knottier and knottier it will turn into dreadlocks if she does not hurry soon. she has gotten my comb and now will comb my hair because i made her; she will do anything i make her.
enough of this i don't think they'd want me talking anymore, i already mentioned drugs which is bad. i skipped class today and felt gratified but also like i was wasting too much time, not just today but in general, i am always wasting time. 
i made an embarrassing decision today
somebody is going to make me coffee and i think i will drink it and not sleep tonight i think that is how i avoid wasting time, by not sleeping, etc.
i wrote something today actually i wrote it a long time ago, then a little bit two weeks ago, then a little bit the other day and today i felt it was "done" but i never know what that feels like, completely, and totally.
i need something to listen to that is not 'cocaine eyes' by neil young because i have been playing this over and over again for no reason, maybe there is a reason but it is repressed. i will find it soon, i hope. 
on this topic did the circle jerks write those black flag songs or did black flag write those circle jerks songs

Wednesday, May 6

i think i will delete this tomorrow

tried to think of everybody on irving street as little specks; made me dizzy
you can find more of these pictures here if you really want to, i encourage it. they are pretty.


i like to say things that will not apply in the future, not even tomorrow
you know what i mean
it is so foggy i can hardly believe my eyes
wouldn't you agree that stuff is more fun when there's a lot of it
south america would be ideal

Monday, May 4

Saturday, May 2

do dog trainers have a natural ability to train dogs or are they trained to train dogs, maybe they have a manual or something; where can i find this information. i am going to eat a whole case of tums today, probably, and think about this, also "clusters" and "classes", i should devote some of my day to think about that. i am interested in maximizing my productivity. it seems as though eating more fruit would maximize my productivity as well as increase my happiness and overall well-being.
this week i will eat only tums and fruit
"this is funny, like a woody allen movie"
"no, it's nothing like that"

Saturday, April 25

lifetime movies

this is a poem about lifetime movies and women "freaking out all the time"

Friday, April 24

after a burrito

my next poem will be called "guys in bands"
there are a lot of things i want
like a spoonful of peanut butter
is it possible to degenerate
in funniness

my joints

ache it is due to lack of exercise i presume, which is okay but really the whole 'idea' of 'exercise' is frustrating. i woke up and thought 'today i feel weird' and also 'mainstream media is frying my brain'. these thoughts will be the theme of my day. i want to eat my roommates' ice cream but this would be Bad Etiquette On My Part.
you know things are bad when you have been flipping through all of the channels on your television then stop and see a great looking man, but he's actually on jerry springer. and he's a registered sex offender trying to get his wife back. that is very strange, television sets are so 'empty' and 'desolate' and make me feel the same way. the thought crosses my mind at least twice a day that if i involved myself in a 'serious relationship' my 'self-esteem' would greatly improve. other times i wish i had so much homework to do i had to hire someone to do it and then we'd become great friends, and also be 'on the same level' most of the time. 
it just occurred to me that one of the funniest things of 2008 was when i emailed my oceanography professor at the end of the semeseter and told him i just didn't 'get it' and his teaching methods eluded me to the point where i could not grasp his notion of 'curriculum', so he gave me a B instead of a D-. he just gave it to me.

Thursday, April 23

burnt orange peels

often i am overwhelmed by the possibilities The Internet holds, but am thankful i am able to change my outfits in between classes. some are not so fortunate. 

Tuesday, April 21

good things

it's unbearably hot in san francisco; i'm pleased with the climate and other things.
when i listen to the velvet underground, i wonder what "the point" is. i wonder when they are going to get to "the point"

Monday, April 20

sometimes i feel like glenn close's character in "fatal attraction"

barack obama just said the way he runs the country is he just "ignores the politics". he really is a dreamy man. 
i know it's a low point in my life when "4/20" precedes my schoolwork. i would be letting myself down if i chose to get stoned when i ahd essays to do.
my toenail's going to fall off. how disgusting.

Friday, April 17

this is all about superficial things

today i was talking about taking the bus home but then my friend let me borrow her car which i feel really weird about. i was driving in it and felt so weird, since i never drive. driving gives me anxiety. 
the movie "obsessed" with beyonce knowles and ali larter is going to be good. 
how do people not like sarah jessica parker as carrie bradshaw? hopefully my husband will be just like all of her boyfriends combined.
one thing i just thought of while eating chips and guacamole, even though i'm really not that hungry: 
i don't really "get" trader joe's. how can they package things like 'fresh' guacamole, and it actually says 'fresh guacamole' on the container? it's obviously not fresh, but it tastes all right. what sort of "thing" does trader joe's have going on? i just don't get the "bottom line". i think one of my favorite actresses is the girl on the show 'the king of queens' or 'queen of kings' or maybe it's a whole other title entirely. 
i should start taking public transportation more often but isn't that dangerous? i look like kind of an easy target. vulnerable. 

Thursday, April 16

in revenge for my burning i burned the whole world and was warm for a little bit

i heard this and it struck me in an unimaginable way, then i listened to a more uplifting song and these feelings went away. is that a metaphor for fake feelings? actually, metaphors are not real things, especially "coca-cola kisses", from that song, but i think that's a simile, that is fake and the way i feel listening to a song is fake. 

Wednesday, April 15

if i can't be drunk

i am trying to "write a novella" titled "pink church" and that is why this is called that, to motivate the writing process. now i am pretty sure i am still in The Thinking Stage, but since i seem to have been in this stage for a very long time now i am wondering where the step is that will take me into The Planning Stage. i don't think i believe in these stages and sometimes wish there was a formula, but that is my general feeling towards most things. i started writing a story where one character said "love is an infant" which at the time i thought was very witty and quite the accurate metaphor for the context and then i read it and felt very stupid. i am always reading things over and feeling stupid about them. i also feel like i should get a gmail account, because it is "cooler" and has "more capacity". i am pretty sure i can hear somebody vomiting from outside of my window.