what do you think it takes to be the hottest

what does it take to be hot right now

i'm number one right now

why

cuz i am number one

literally

okay verbalize tell me what do you think it takes to be the hottest

high selling high ranking most publicized right now. soulja boy. worldwide.

you're hotter than kanye right now?

right now yes

you're hotter than jay z right now?

right now yes

hotter than lil wayne right now?

right now yes

today whatever day this is, january 2008, right now, yes

something real!!!!!!

i am the new associate editor of titular journal. send me things to read and it will be awesome. thanks to reynard seifert and jimmy chen. this is cool. things will be cool forever i am pretty sure. this is a real life update instead of some weird vague post that i didn't think anyone really read but i guess some people do.

to celebrate this momentous occasion i've 'unearthed' former blog posts from maybe a year ago or maybe recently, i am having a hard time remembering. you can read these unearthed blog posts below they are in an order that has no order. who cares does anybody

hehe okay but for real, titular!!! so good. i think i need to start writing more coherently if people in the world read these words with their eyes. i'm sorry for breaking the fourth wall. i am really sorry

unpublished drafts

i love having a humongous desk
i never want to leave it

i’m getting a new chair tomorrow

it’s leather and totally perfect

well nothing’s totally perfect but you know what i mean

also i feel like a sign of youth is a projection of unrealistic expectations

does that make sense? i wrote that today in my journal

my diary

my notebook

my whatever

"Life is sad. Here is someone."
I think a lot about children. If it is better to have them or dogs. Both can run away, I suppose, but children can sell your family heirlooms for drugs and throw parties in your house when you’re away. Children can betray you, tell you they don’t love you and that they want to live with dad.

I went downstairs the other day to see the tile shower crawling with mildew. Things like that, mildew and dirty dishes and mail piled up for a month or more, makes me resent holiday cards and that new Kleenex commercial. Like, what does that even mean.

Like, what does that even mean?

found essay draft

this topic sentence is just from wikipedia, if i wrote all my papers this way would anybody notice


eudora welty is boring

by sara mcgrath

In her early life, her family was vitally important in instilling in her all the qualities that would make her such a great author.

i am getting anxious and whatever but ok so
i started to write poems lol not really jk yeah i did

they're like the emails i write basically but in a word document

so i figure that's what poems are
i have a lot of tabs open
i owe some money to certain places

i am chatting with two different people right now

no wait three no wait two
i feel like pretty weird i guess
i want to snooze with someone just like sleep
so i really don't get what everyone's deal is it seems so hard to be social and stuff and
i don't know haha



in class today i opened all the blinds all the way open and i think the sun made me lethargic and i almost
fell asleep
and some other people did too
i think it was the sun for real though
i think the blinds should always be down so we don't all wish we were outside

this is just like

i blew my nose on my hands and stopped myself before wiping them on my jeans
i thought that would have just been too pathetic
i have two different chats open and I’m lamenting
now i’ll talk about a band i like
it’s obvious i have no plans

here are two messages somebody sent me
when i deleted them as a friend

i have two different folders for hairstyles i like
on my desktop’s computer


are these sneakers too dirty to wear
i have two different tabs up
one is the picture of that afghan girl on national geographic
the other is a picture of some girls from high school
this isn’t a poem i’m not going to put this anywhere
because nobody cares
about my tabs
i bit my cheek and couldn’t help but think that nobody is going to come over tonight
and it’s 10:12 pm
your hair takes a long time to dry
it will be a while before you can go to sleep
my seventh grade science teacher told us she used to be an exercise freak
at the grocery store my basket had only vegetables
i couldn’t help but think about how i am probably very attractive
to someone

joyce carol oates at books inc on tuesday april 12

it was a moving experience she is ethereal but i was stoned

i haven't read much of her stuff i just like to say her name in unusual or uncalled for moments that it seems funny to me but only me

joyce carol oates

i couldn't discern between when she was reading from her book or just talking

seems relevant

she mentioned saul bellow, john updike, other canonized 20th century writers, in casual anecdotes that made it seem as though they were her very close friends and i really believe it

she wore a light pink sweater tied loosely around a mauve turtleneck sweater, i don't think mauve is the right word

so yeah i haven't read much of her stuff just rape: a love story which i liked a lot

i was stoned forgot to mention so the experience was really an experience you feel me

made a friend in line as i was waiting to get a book signed, not one that i bought but one i brought it was an anthology i got it for christmas

also yeah haha i was like "i adore u" and talked over her a lot in a loud and garish voice


the other night i talked to someone on the phone and they were like "can u talk at a lower register please"

it was then i finally knew i had serious problems

guys

i let three busses go by before i got on one on account of it being crowded there was a man screaming shouting really like over and over like super loud and stuff

headline: chowchilla kidnapper gets parole date: 2022

anyways what i was saying is that if we didn't all have the good sense to look away and pretend it wasn't happening, wouldn't we be shouting at the top of our lungs too?

there was soemthing else i was about to say oh yes it's so disquieting not wearing my glasses

ok this is what i heard yesterday i'm totally serious about it lol if you will


"he taught me power chords"
"oh i like power chords"
"yeah i don't remember everything he said but i remember some things. he taught me this one nirvana song, smells like teen spirit"


this is like pretty funny to me am i the only one

also another thing i saw this girl carrying a box of mountain dew and i think the flavor on the box said SUPERNOUN lol i swear

it also said things like LOW CALORIE DIET NO CAFFEINE NO CARBS

here are the things i won't eat


peeps
other marshmallow things like peeps
spam
cocktail weenies
most sodas except root beer and diet coke but sometimes i don't even like the taste of diet coke i just like holding the can as an accessory
cheeseburgers (i used to love them i know it's crazy!!!!!!!!!!)

my opinion of the movie "going the distance"

ok so drew barrymore is "31 and an intern" (her words, not mine) at the new york sentinel. it's a summer internship and she must go back to stanford to "finish up her masters" (her words, not mine). while in new york she not only sets the top three records for an obscure arcade game at a local bar with a bartender who hosts trivia night and spits expletives in a cute yet abrasive manner, but meets justin long while playing said game.

they instantly hit it off, frolicking in the beach, going canoeing with their friends, and often repeating the sentiment "i'm having fun", usually preceded by "too bad i'm only here for [incrementally decreasing number of weeks]

she goes back to california and he stays in new york. at the end

"i feel like getting obsessed with something"

highly documented non-sequitur comments that came out of my mouth after the removal of my wisdom teeth

*from here on, 'me' refers to sara mcgrath, 'them' as the dental staff/technicians at my oral surgeon's office*

drugs ingested:

valium prior to surgery

propofol (curiously the same drug that killed michael jackson) in an IV

whatever they put up my nose

conversation before the surgery:

talked in a relaxed, jovial way to the technicians about their tattoos. they were mostly sunsets, butterflies, roses, or things found in the ocean

saw my brother being wheeled past my room on a stretcher, giggled uncontrollably and said "that's my brother, i can't believe it"

conversation post surgery:

communicated my emotional state with 'rock on' hand signs

expressed the genius of having clouds as tiles on the walls. they told me they put it up "just for me" and i said something like "i love you guys, i really do"

me: "are you guys all best friends? you're so nice"

them: "yes but once we're done working on friday we hate each other"

me: "oh you guys are so funny, you guys are the best friends"

me: "do you guys smoke weed? do you?"

them: "no it's not really my thing"

me: "oh man, too bad, too bad. my dad made me pot brownies and i can't wait to eat them!"

after this my dad expressed annoyance and stress towards me, like they were going to call the police or something which i responded with mumbles of "fuck the police" and "who cares about anything, really"