"i feel like getting obsessed with something"

highly documented non-sequitur comments that came out of my mouth after the removal of my wisdom teeth

*from here on, 'me' refers to sara mcgrath, 'them' as the dental staff/technicians at my oral surgeon's office*

drugs ingested:

valium prior to surgery

propofol (curiously the same drug that killed michael jackson) in an IV

whatever they put up my nose

conversation before the surgery:

talked in a relaxed, jovial way to the technicians about their tattoos. they were mostly sunsets, butterflies, roses, or things found in the ocean

saw my brother being wheeled past my room on a stretcher, giggled uncontrollably and said "that's my brother, i can't believe it"

conversation post surgery:

communicated my emotional state with 'rock on' hand signs

expressed the genius of having clouds as tiles on the walls. they told me they put it up "just for me" and i said something like "i love you guys, i really do"

me: "are you guys all best friends? you're so nice"

them: "yes but once we're done working on friday we hate each other"

me: "oh you guys are so funny, you guys are the best friends"

me: "do you guys smoke weed? do you?"

them: "no it's not really my thing"

me: "oh man, too bad, too bad. my dad made me pot brownies and i can't wait to eat them!"

after this my dad expressed annoyance and stress towards me, like they were going to call the police or something which i responded with mumbles of "fuck the police" and "who cares about anything, really"

THINGS THAT ARE EXCITING, OR, REASONS TO BE MY FRIEND

when i was fifteen i thought i would never be cool and now i am and it's just so, you know, refreshing

if anyone that is browsing the web right now is reading this here are some things you can do to help me become a more actualized person

1. let me play a show w ur band
2. let me date your attractive friends and crush their hearts or let them crush mine because let's face it torture is essential to being creative
3. invite me to your parties
4. send me things in the mail
5. send me text messages when you see things that remind you of me i promise i will do the same except my phone doesn't really work sometimes so maybe i'll call, if that's not too weird


okay that is all i can think of now ok y'all luv ya luv y'all for real tho all u all



peas

THE PROS & CONS OF TAKING A SHOWER

PROS

smell good

be clean

possibly have a good hair day tomorrow

feel relaxed (physically & mentally, emotionally too, maybe)

"work on 'me' "

CONS

feel defeated

think thoughts like, "is this all i have"/"what separates me from the animals"

feel obligated to moisturize

feel failure if i don't shave, think about what this means

spend too much time dawdling

omg u guys ppl r so weird!!

sometimes i feel alienated

this haircut is too short

listening to bravo playing softly in the other room

"i heard she's not eating and when she does she's throwing up"

saturday night live

drinking beer out of this wax cup "it was a slow death"

today i dranked so much coffee and talked about oakland and

23 and mission sat 12 2:55 pm - m4w

Date: 2011-02-15, 4:42PM PST i was standing talking in my phone and you pass and we have an eye contact you have black jeans blouse and black boots slim body beautiful eyes i wish to have the pleasure to know you let me know please i have been thinking of you

"She is a non-conformist, and proud of it. She feels that in her town people are either stuck up or narrow minded. She enjoys reading comic books! and is a big fan of indie music. The show featured her crush, Bryson, who often wears the brim of his hat flipped straight up or sideways."

parties

it is good to go to parties

people might remember you if you say funny things

refer to my diagram "how to meet people"

if you want to have more friends you have to go to parties
if you give a mouse a cookie oh wait i already said that

just make sure not to change the music because people like have this thing they like
called vibes

they like to maintain

their vibes

omg this guy keeps looking at me

reading from james franco's book in a commanding tone at a séance in the night time

first of all it's windy and

second of all i am a big fan of

serious literature

and third of all who am i who are you lol jk about that part

amy hempel is thanked in the introduction "to the teachers"

what the hell

i hate poetry and poems and omg you're so dumb

1.

once i tried to play rihanna's 'rude boy' on the guitar in front of my ex boyfriend he said i got really good at guitar but like

haha

i made him cry in a good way we were putting sandwiches into our mouths and talking about dead people

sometimes i think i am a clairvoyant and i want to be the person who writes people's resumes

i can build up your self esteem if only you'll let me

so anyways today i was like should i jog or not i decided not

2.

if you give a mouse a cookie he'll want to video chat and then

okay what i meant to say is i'm willing you with my brain to chat me now because i have a funny story to tell you and when you said i could sleep over at your house i was thinking no but i said yes

people laugh at the things i say but i think it's because i stopped washing my hair and it makes me

look more grunge

and that's pretty in right now

i wanted to talk to you about the time you touched my face at a party you kind of held my cheek for a while

i go to a private university and i'm the most alternative girl there because i dyed my hair green over the weekend

wait do you mean nirvana the band or

3.

i wanted to tell you that i really liked your band but i wish you'd just like i don't know hang out with me my dad said i'm not superficial

i think my roommate is having sex and knocking things over

this calls for some sit ups

4.

my friend tweeted brunettes are better than blondes and i cried is this true someone please affirm that this is not a fact

is this a fact

is there anything to live for

couples i've seen today (january 31 2011)

1. hip young attractive people on the J. the girl was performing a clawing/petting motion to the guy's back. the girl and i made eye contact. i had trouble discerning my attractiveness relative to their presence.

2. older couple wearing what appeared to be an array of patagonia and north face outerwear, holding each other on the streetcar platform. their stance as well as their clothing seemed to protect them from all elements. seemed safe. i smiled at them because they looked perfectly complimentary to each other.

3. young urban couple in a white mustang, singing and dancing to a rihanna song on the radio. claps at the appropriate junctions. i might have been "beaming" at the sight of their fun.

4. overly affectionate girl on escalator with effeminite young man. his eyes were party closed with what looked like an annoyed facial expression. she was on the top step of the escalator and had to bend down and lean into the boy in order to embrace him. she perched her head on top of his shoulder as they ascended. he kept his hands in his pockets.