sara mcgrath

sup tho

2011-09-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

i am TRAVELING
i am a TRAVELER
i have a TRAVEL BLOG
it isn't really ABOUT my travels PER SAY
but perhaps u will c pics of me in EXOTIC AND/OR historical LOCATIONS

THAT IS ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!

greatsogreat.wordpress.com

overheard these things today

2011-05-24T14:26:00.000-07:00

hope i don't have to go all cujo

we don't have any wolves around here

more like puss in boots

uncle paul newman which you all know he's around the corner watching you

thank you folks have a nice day

and we'll have many good ones to come

The dramatic population decline of the foothill yellow-legged frog in a number of California rivers is a canary in a coal mine

beck

2011-05-23T01:03:00.000-07:00

i saw this guy play a beck cover in a tree house it was the song 'asshole' he had a little tiny amp and kept swinging his feet around. i like that song a lot and remembered how much i liked when he sang it. then i remembered how much i like beck

one foot in the grave is my favorite album
it was released on k records which makes him cooler i think
i saw him once with le tigre at the bill graham civic center i think, or another venue with the name of a person i don't know

here you can download odelay

here you can download one foot in the grave

2011-04-26T00:16:00.000-07:00

what do you think it takes to be the hottest

what does it take to be hot right now

i'm number one right now

why

cuz i am number one

literally

okay verbalize tell me what do you think it takes to be the hottest

high selling high ranking most publicized right now. soulja boy. worldwide.

you're hotter than kanye right now?

right now yes

you're hotter than jay z right now?

right now yes

hotter than lil wayne right now?

right now yes

today whatever day this is, january 2008, right now, yes

something real!!!!!!

2011-04-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

i am the new associate editor of titular journal. send me things to read and it will be awesome. thanks to reynard seifert and jimmy chen. this is cool. things will be cool forever i am pretty sure. this is a real life update instead of some weird vague post that i didn't think anyone really read but i guess some people do.

to celebrate this momentous occasion i've 'unearthed' former blog posts from maybe a year ago or maybe recently, i am having a hard time remembering. you can read these unearthed blog posts below they are in an order that has no order. who cares does anybody

hehe okay but for real, titular!!! so good. i think i need to start writing more coherently if people in the world read these words with their eyes. i'm sorry for breaking the fourth wall. i am really sorry

unpublished drafts

2011-04-20T16:51:00.000-07:00

i love having a humongous desk
i never want to leave it

i’m getting a new chair tomorrow

it’s leather and totally perfect

well nothing’s totally perfect but you know what i mean

also i feel like a sign of youth is a projection of unrealistic expectations

does that make sense? i wrote that today in my journal

my diary

my notebook

my whatever

"Life is sad. Here is someone."
I think a lot about children. If it is better to have them or dogs. Both can run away, I suppose, but children can sell your family heirlooms for drugs and throw parties in your house when you’re away. Children can betray you, tell you they don’t love you and that they want to live with dad.

I went downstairs the other day to see the tile shower crawling with mildew. Things like that, mildew and dirty dishes and mail piled up for a month or more, makes me resent holiday cards and that new Kleenex commercial. Like, what does that even mean.

Like, what does that even mean?

found essay draft

2011-04-20T16:49:00.001-07:00

this topic sentence is just from wikipedia, if i wrote all my papers this way would anybody notice

eudora welty is boring

by sara mcgrath

In her early life, her family was vitally important in instilling in her all the qualities that would make her such a great author.

2011-04-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

i am getting anxious and whatever but ok so
i started to write poems lol not really jk yeah i did

they're like the emails i write basically but in a word document

so i figure that's what poems are
i have a lot of tabs open
i owe some money to certain places

i am chatting with two different people right now

no wait three no wait two
i feel like pretty weird i guess
i want to snooze with someone just like sleep
so i really don't get what everyone's deal is it seems so hard to be social and stuff and
i don't know haha

in class today i opened all the blinds all the way open and i think the sun made me lethargic and i almost
fell asleep
and some other people did too
i think it was the sun for real though
i think the blinds should always be down so we don't all wish we were outside

this is just like

2011-04-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

i blew my nose on my hands and stopped myself before wiping them on my jeans
i thought that would have just been too pathetic
i have two different chats open and I’m lamenting
now i’ll talk about a band i like
it’s obvious i have no plans

here are two messages somebody sent me
when i deleted them as a friend

i have two different folders for hairstyles i like
on my desktop’s computer

are these sneakers too dirty to wear
i have two different tabs up
one is the picture of that afghan girl on national geographic
the other is a picture of some girls from high school
this isn’t a poem i’m not going to put this anywhere
because nobody cares
about my tabs
i bit my cheek and couldn’t help but think that nobody is going to come over tonight
and it’s 10:12 pm
your hair takes a long time to dry
it will be a while before you can go to sleep
my seventh grade science teacher told us she used to be an exercise freak
at the grocery store my basket had only vegetables
i couldn’t help but think about how i am probably very attractive
to someone

joyce carol oates at books inc on tuesday april 12

2011-04-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

it was a moving experience she is ethereal but i was stoned

i haven't read much of her stuff i just like to say her name in unusual or uncalled for moments that it seems funny to me but only me

joyce carol oates

i couldn't discern between when she was reading from her book or just talking

seems relevant

she mentioned saul bellow, john updike, other canonized 20th century writers, in casual anecdotes that made it seem as though they were her very close friends and i really believe it

she wore a light pink sweater tied loosely around a mauve turtleneck sweater, i don't think mauve is the right word

so yeah i haven't read much of her stuff just rape: a love story which i liked a lot

i was stoned forgot to mention so the experience was really an experience you feel me

made a friend in line as i was waiting to get a book signed, not one that i bought but one i brought it was an anthology i got it for christmas

also yeah haha i was like "i adore u" and talked over her a lot in a loud and garish voice

the other night i talked to someone on the phone and they were like "can u talk at a lower register please"

it was then i finally knew i had serious problems

guys

2011-04-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

i let three busses go by before i got on one on account of it being crowded there was a man screaming shouting really like over and over like super loud and stuff

headline: chowchilla kidnapper gets parole date: 2022

anyways what i was saying is that if we didn't all have the good sense to look away and pretend it wasn't happening, wouldn't we be shouting at the top of our lungs too?

there was soemthing else i was about to say oh yes it's so disquieting not wearing my glasses

ok this is what i heard yesterday i'm totally serious about it lol if you will

"he taught me power chords"
"oh i like power chords"
"yeah i don't remember everything he said but i remember some things. he taught me this one nirvana song, smells like teen spirit"

this is like pretty funny to me am i the only one

also another thing i saw this girl carrying a box of mountain dew and i think the flavor on the box said SUPERNOUN lol i swear

it also said things like LOW CALORIE DIET NO CAFFEINE NO CARBS

here are the things i won't eat

peeps
other marshmallow things like peeps
spam
cocktail weenies
most sodas except root beer and diet coke but sometimes i don't even like the taste of diet coke i just like holding the can as an accessory
cheeseburgers (i used to love them i know it's crazy!!!!!!!!!!)

my opinion of the movie "going the distance"

2011-04-03T17:38:00.000-07:00

ok so drew barrymore is "31 and an intern" (her words, not mine) at the new york sentinel. it's a summer internship and she must go back to stanford to "finish up her masters" (her words, not mine). while in new york she not only sets the top three records for an obscure arcade game at a local bar with a bartender who hosts trivia night and spits expletives in a cute yet abrasive manner, but meets justin long while playing said game.

they instantly hit it off, frolicking in the beach, going canoeing with their friends, and often repeating the sentiment "i'm having fun", usually preceded by "too bad i'm only here for [incrementally decreasing number of weeks]

she goes back to california and he stays in new york. at the end

***spoiler alert***

she wants to give up a job in san francisco to move to new york to wait tables oh and also be with justin long. in what seems to be an unusually rapid unfolding of events he convinces her that she should follow her career and not move to new york to be in a relationship with him. i am pretty sure that is the end of the movie, oh wait no, they meet at an indie concert when he moves to LA so they are still kind of long distance but not as much.

2011-04-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

"i feel like getting obsessed with something"

highly documented non-sequitur comments that came out of my mouth after the removal of my wisdom teeth

2011-04-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

*from here on, 'me' refers to sara mcgrath, 'them' as the dental staff/technicians at my oral surgeon's office*

drugs ingested:

valium prior to surgery

propofol (curiously the same drug that killed michael jackson) in an IV

whatever they put up my nose

conversation before the surgery:

talked in a relaxed, jovial way to the technicians about their tattoos. they were mostly sunsets, butterflies, roses, or things found in the ocean

saw my brother being wheeled past my room on a stretcher, giggled uncontrollably and said "that's my brother, i can't believe it"

conversation post surgery:

communicated my emotional state with 'rock on' hand signs

expressed the genius of having clouds as tiles on the walls. they told me they put it up "just for me" and i said something like "i love you guys, i really do"

me: "are you guys all best friends? you're so nice"

them: "yes but once we're done working on friday we hate each other"

me: "oh you guys are so funny, you guys are the best friends"

me: "do you guys smoke weed? do you?"

them: "no it's not really my thing"

me: "oh man, too bad, too bad. my dad made me pot brownies and i can't wait to eat them!"

after this my dad expressed annoyance and stress towards me, like they were going to call the police or something which i responded with mumbles of "fuck the police" and "who cares about anything, really"

THINGS THAT ARE EXCITING, OR, REASONS TO BE MY FRIEND

2011-03-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

when i was fifteen i thought i would never be cool and now i am and it's just so, you know, refreshing

if anyone that is browsing the web right now is reading this here are some things you can do to help me become a more actualized person

1. let me play a show w ur band
2. let me date your attractive friends and crush their hearts or let them crush mine because let's face it torture is essential to being creative
3. invite me to your parties
4. send me things in the mail
5. send me text messages when you see things that remind you of me i promise i will do the same except my phone doesn't really work sometimes so maybe i'll call, if that's not too weird

okay that is all i can think of now ok y'all luv ya luv y'all for real tho all u all

peas

THE PROS & CONS OF TAKING A SHOWER

2011-03-13T21:36:00.000-07:00

PROS

smell good

be clean

possibly have a good hair day tomorrow

feel relaxed (physically & mentally, emotionally too, maybe)

"work on 'me' "

CONS

feel defeated

think thoughts like, "is this all i have"/"what separates me from the animals"

feel obligated to moisturize

feel failure if i don't shave, think about what this means

spend too much time dawdling

2011-03-07T23:30:00.000-08:00

omg u guys ppl r so weird!!

sometimes i feel alienated

2011-03-03T23:44:00.000-08:00

this haircut is too short

listening to bravo playing softly in the other room

2011-02-20T21:08:00.000-08:00

"i heard she's not eating and when she does she's throwing up"

saturday night live

2011-02-20T20:56:00.000-08:00

drinking beer out of this wax cup "it was a slow death"

2011-02-20T20:55:00.000-08:00

today i dranked so much coffee and talked about oakland and

23 and mission sat 12 2:55 pm - m4w

2011-02-16T21:41:00.001-08:00

Date: 2011-02-15, 4:42PM PST i was standing talking in my phone and you pass and we have an eye contact you have black jeans blouse and black boots slim body beautiful eyes i wish to have the pleasure to know you let me know please i have been thinking of you

2011-02-15T23:39:00.001-08:00

"She is a non-conformist, and proud of it. She feels that in her town people are either stuck up or narrow minded. She enjoys reading comic books! and is a big fan of indie music. The show featured her crush, Bryson, who often wears the brim of his hat flipped straight up or sideways."

parties

2011-02-15T17:01:00.001-08:00

it is good to go to parties

people might remember you if you say funny things

refer to my diagram "how to meet people"

if you want to have more friends you have to go to parties
if you give a mouse a cookie oh wait i already said that

just make sure not to change the music because people like have this thing they like
called vibes

they like to maintain

their vibes

omg this guy keeps looking at me

reading from james franco's book in a commanding tone at a séance in the night time

2011-02-15T16:54:00.001-08:00

first of all it's windy and

second of all i am a big fan of

serious literature

and third of all who am i who are you lol jk about that part

amy hempel is thanked in the introduction "to the teachers"

what the hell

i hate poetry and poems and omg you're so dumb

2011-02-11T13:27:00.000-08:00

once i tried to play rihanna's 'rude boy' on the guitar in front of my ex boyfriend he said i got really good at guitar but like

haha

i made him cry in a good way we were putting sandwiches into our mouths and talking about dead people

sometimes i think i am a clairvoyant and i want to be the person who writes people's resumes

i can build up your self esteem if only you'll let me

so anyways today i was like should i jog or not i decided not

if you give a mouse a cookie he'll want to video chat and then

okay what i meant to say is i'm willing you with my brain to chat me now because i have a funny story to tell you and when you said i could sleep over at your house i was thinking no but i said yes

people laugh at the things i say but i think it's because i stopped washing my hair and it makes me

look more grunge

and that's pretty in right now

i wanted to talk to you about the time you touched my face at a party you kind of held my cheek for a while

i go to a private university and i'm the most alternative girl there because i dyed my hair green over the weekend

wait do you mean nirvana the band or

i wanted to tell you that i really liked your band but i wish you'd just like i don't know hang out with me my dad said i'm not superficial

i think my roommate is having sex and knocking things over

this calls for some sit ups

my friend tweeted brunettes are better than blondes and i cried is this true someone please affirm that this is not a fact

is this a fact

is there anything to live for

couples i've seen today (january 31 2011)

2011-02-01T12:18:00.000-08:00

1. hip young attractive people on the J. the girl was performing a clawing/petting motion to the guy's back. the girl and i made eye contact. i had trouble discerning my attractiveness relative to their presence.

2. older couple wearing what appeared to be an array of patagonia and north face outerwear, holding each other on the streetcar platform. their stance as well as their clothing seemed to protect them from all elements. seemed safe. i smiled at them because they looked perfectly complimentary to each other.

3. young urban couple in a white mustang, singing and dancing to a rihanna song on the radio. claps at the appropriate junctions. i might have been "beaming" at the sight of their fun.

4. overly affectionate girl on escalator with effeminite young man. his eyes were party closed with what looked like an annoyed facial expression. she was on the top step of the escalator and had to bend down and lean into the boy in order to embrace him. she perched her head on top of his shoulder as they ascended. he kept his hands in his pockets.

2011-01-26T22:09:00.001-08:00

2011-01-26T22:08:00.000-08:00

friend showed this to me >>> louleo.tumblr.com

2011-01-18T00:18:00.000-08:00

ALL OF THE EMBARRASSING THINGS I'VE EVER DONE

2011-01-17T10:01:00.000-08:00

brought a quiche for lunch in the first grade

accidentally flashed everyone at seventh grade pool party

accidentally flashed everyone at roller skating birthday party

used strangers' photobooth applications to take pictures of myself

used said pictures for strangers' computer wallpaper

used strangers' computers to open tabs of myself on all social networking websites i belong to

every time i've ever used the term 'world wide fame'

barfed in the dorm elevator on valentine's day, called everyone i know to profess my lovelessness

every time i've ever barfed

every time i've ever professed my lovelessness

crybaby the movie

2011-01-09T11:13:00.001-08:00

teaser trailer of our full length project coming in march. topics included are how to be in a successful band, avoid embarrassment, make up your own genre, get people to take you seriously and gain popularity without compromising your integrity. featuring interviews with joyride, young prisms, shredder girl, and more. song by joyride. download their songs here: [http://www.sendspace.com/file/2snhh1]

final reflection rhetoric 260 fall semester 2010

2010-12-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

As with most things I do that requires adhering to authority, I was initially hesitant with this class. I assumed it would be another writing class that would undermine my RAW TALENT. In reflection, I think the success I experienced in this class totally affirmed and solidified my decision to transfer schools. This course encompassed everything I wanted that I didn’t receive at SFSU. The course was challenging and at times I even felt like I was floundering to meet deadlines, which was exciting. I like to think I employed healthy levels of stress this semester, even if I did email you at odd hours of the evening claming to have had “a nervous breakdown”. To be honest sometimes I employ dramatics solely as material for my forthcoming novel / #1 bestseller. But that’s another story.

I was really impressed by your dedication and organization, not to mention how interested you seemed in our papers and progress in the course. I wanted to put as much time into writing as you did into grading. Your feedback was always impressive, thorough, and thought provoking. But I digress; I think this is supposed to be a reflection about me.

Deadlines used to be my arch nemesis and I could never really figure out how to finish a piece of writing once I had started it. I have total neuroses when it comes to submitting and showing people my work, but being able to practice my writing in mediums I wouldn’t normally take upon myself has given me more confidence to pursue "writing as a career". Not to mention I practiced flexibility in my writing skills to advance my pursuits and launch me into world wide fame.

Is it okay that this reflection is so colloquial? I feel like it should be okay. “Writing as conversation”.

Basically in my revisions I tried to make my language much more concrete and definitive. I wanted to sound like the supreme authority on the topics I was writing about. I think you’ll notice that I took your suggestions and removed a lot of vague/abstract sentences and replaced them with more concrete information. I’ll save the abstractions for my Gertrude Stein phase (crossing my fingers). As far as paper #4 goes, I feel like I should tell you I think it’s a miserable failure. I hope I didn’t come off as some psychotic lunatic. Definite heavy handedness when it came to political comments. It should be known that I am fairly apathetic when it comes to world affairs and politics. I only like reality television. Just kidding. Okay really though I think this reflection is far too casual but I am just going to “go for it” and consider it experimental non-fiction. Thanks for teaching such a good class. Really, it was awesome and I don’t think you could have done a better job. I would have liked to see more "heated class discussion" but that’s subjective. If I ever go into teaching I hope to employ your relational skills amongst other redeeming qualities. I was really impressed. And I am not easily impressed. In fact, I mostly hate everything.

So look for me in the New York Times Book Review or something, I’ll mention you in my extensive list of people to thank for my fame.

PEACE
SARA

you are dancing to soulja boy

2010-12-07T15:44:00.001-08:00

you are not being ironic about it because you know the words and even though your stomach feels acidic like it’s burning a hole in you you keep jumping up and down and changing the tempo of your jumping/skipping in place to correlate with the beat of the song.

pretty boy swag pretty boy swag pretty boy swag

you are sitting on top of someone’s bed next to a pair of dirty underwear that are still injeans.looks like they evaporated out of their clothes, and you are laying next to them wondering where they went. people around you are drinking four loko out of cups. girl keeps talking about its offensive flavor which is funny at first but she abuses the phrase then falls out of a chair and onto the floor.

2010-12-07T13:45:00.001-08:00

poem my 10 yr old sister wrote via facebook chat

2010-11-29T18:55:00.001-08:00

i know dis is just out of the blue
but i stepped on dogpoo today and
brb

things i thought were funny at the mall today

2010-11-29T17:48:00.000-08:00

the food court was fucked up

the shoe displays at macys were fucked up

best friend and i decided to buy matching slippers for each other and our other best friend, couldn't decide on a good style, then decided all slippers are bad

drank smoothies on a chaise lounge in cost plus world market

had a successful conversation* with person from high school who was working at victorias secret. said 'good sales' and 'great deals' ~5x

made best friend pose in front of nordstrom with a starbucks holiday cup so i could take a picture. got pissed when girls got in the frame, turned out we went to school with them. had a conversation full of laughter and only one failed joke.

successfully ignored someone by looking down at my cell phone seriously, very seriously.

*successful as in: no bad jokes were made, transitions were seameless, exit route well planned and executed. ("i'm going to go look at that underwear, nice chatting")

smoke weed every day

grande nonfat gingerbread latte

2010-11-28T00:26:00.001-08:00

just imagined hitting chicken nuggets out of a tennis ball machine with a tennis racket

frvr

2010-11-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

can you microwave a soup can? i feel like this may be the most ideal way to eat soup. i'm feeling sick and i wish i had four other laptops instead of four windows open on this single measly computer. i want to make comics of everyone i have ever known but i don't have enough pens or paper or time, really. homework is whatever life is whatever being outside is overrated.

i don't even know what this

is like really

i feel a lot of pressure writing things. i'd rather organize my desktop. i made a folder titled MEIN KAMPF and labeled it orange. i don't think there's anything in it except maybe a screenshot of a funny question from an online quiz. i'm not a history major or anything. i've been submitting things to places which seems really stupid. everything i am typing here seems stupid like some sort of 'life update' but if i stop addressing the stupidity of things i am sure they will become less stupid.

here is something i found while organizing my desktop. it's funny to me:

i think i wrote this for some screenwriting assignment or whatever. it's funny to me to think of the sort of play this would be in. 'community theater in a church' comes to mind. 'funny to me', that could be the title, is anyone interested in collaborating, seems like a good idea

JUNE
Do you have any hair gel?

DAN
Why would I have any hair gel?

JUNE
Jesus, I’m just asking. You might have a stash somewhere. Hidden.

DAN
You’re exhausting me. If I had the chance, I’d drown you in the ocean.

JUNE
Hah, that’s funny. You’re funny.

DAN
I’m being serious. I’d tie two boxes full of logs to your ankles. You’ll feel sad, but once you see all of the sharks you’ll be happy again, because you’ve always loved sharks. They won’t eat you but you’ll sink to the bottom and your lungs will feel salty. That’s how I’d kill you.

JUNE
Have you ever seen a therapist? I’m serious. I’m concerned for your psyche.

DAN
No, you’re not.

JUNE
All right, then I’m not. I’m tired. Did you hear about that party tonight? There’s a party. I think I’m going.

DAN
Who even invited you to that?

JUNE
You’re an asshole. Shit, I think I just heard something on your window. Can you check to make sure there isn’t an intruder?

DAN
You can check yourself. You’re three inches taller than I am.

JUNE
It’s your house. You don’t want someone stealing your plasma screen, do you? Besides, you’re supposed to protect me. Men are supposed to protect women.

DAN
You’re absolutely crazy if you think I’d ever do you a favor. Besides, I don’t even have a plasma screen TV. I mean, I wish I did, but that’s not the point.

JUNE
You seem distressed.

DAN
You’re an idiot.

june is looking through tagged pictures on facebook, has another tab open to the wikipedia page about sid vicious, drinks orange juice, looks at her watch, thinks about death, fame, and black friday, which seems like a hybrid of the two

JUNE
Look at this picture of us! We were so young. Can you believe we were ever that young?

DAN
Yeah, I can. Can’t you? Your hair was longer then. Why did you cut it?

JUNE
No one ever told me not to.

DAN
I liked your hair like that. You should have kept it.

JUNE
You should have told me. But I don’t think I would have cared much. Maybe I would have. I don’t know.

DAN
You kind of look like Wesley Snipes now. I mean, not black or a guy or anything, but just your facial features. Your facial features make you look like Wesley Snipes.

JUNE
Someone once told me I look like Mama Cass. I think that was two years ago, though.

DAN
You’ve never looked like her. People comment on your appearance to get something out of you, you know. You’ve got to be careful. You can only trust people who have never given you a compliment.

fictional characters from movies or television i would like to date based on personality, appearance, and mannerisms

2010-11-22T00:22:00.000-08:00

josh from clueless

seth cohen from 'the oc'

nick andopolis from freaks and geeks

olsen twin artwork

2010-11-21T22:24:00.000-08:00

"to the tune of 'touch my body' by mariah carey"

"don't judge me"

"it will be chill"

"srsly wtf"

"cocaine"

i hate everyone

2010-11-21T03:06:00.001-08:00

"can i hit that"

"no"

"wait what"

two books i have read and four i haven't yet

2010-11-19T22:12:00.000-08:00

honored guest by joy williams

213 pages

i special ordered this book at modern times bookstore. i got it maybe two weeks after the initial transaction. i lent it to a friend who said it was too depressing to read. i think this reinforced my positive opinion of the book. i liked the first story a lot, 'honored guest'. this is probably a given. i like any story that has to do with mother-daughter relationships, cancer, or death. i like when characters are insulting and try to hurt each other with words. i hope this doesn't mean that i myself am insulting and like to hurt others with words. the first page had the line "like, you moron" which i thought was funny. another story i liked was 'substance'. a friend dies and leaves his posessions to his friends, and a woman named louise gets the dog. in the story each of the characters take turns having parties. it made me feel like i wanted more friends. this would bother me more if everyone didn't seem so depressed.

aliens of affection by padgett powell

221 pages

a friend let me borrow this a long time ago. maybe in may of 2010. i'm not sure. it took me a long time to start reading it but he insisted i keep it. i'm glad he was not persistent about getting it back becuase when i got around to reading it i liked it a lot. one of my favorite stories was 'dump'. it seemed to be about finding love. he writes in a way that seems complicated, like it requires outlines. ("i shall eat this pork chop and wine. breakfast of chop and wine, blue wine pink chop, sweep the floor clean house. dust-free environment in which to begin breathing. down. wine and chop. chop. wine. purple.") in his author photo he is wearing an all-denim outfit. it seems like someone who wears all-denim rarely outlines. i also liked this line: "i want a girl impervious to harm, petty or grand."

mona minim and the smell of the sun by janet frame

107 pages

i had heard a lot about janet frame from somebody that interned with me at 826 valencia. i found two of her books at community thrift and i thought the covers looked cool. the pages are very thick and the book generally has a good feeling to it, physically. this is a children's book about ants. it seems very sweet. i haven't gotten around to reading it yet but this is one sentence from a random page i just opened to that makes me look forward to reading more: "so they sat in the warm sitting room, sipping honey and combing their plaits and talking about what it would be like to have wings and fly, and the three things they wished for most in all the ant world, and before mona knew it she felt drowsy and barbara took her to her new bedroom and mona was asleep in almost no time and only once did she wake, to see her new aunt phyllis bending over her, and she didn't seem a fierce soldier any more, she was kind and gentle, pulling the pretty sunflower-petal coverlet over her where she lay in bed, to keep her warm all night."

owls do cry by janet frame

167 pages

this cover is intruiging to me. the first page seems to talk in depth about nature which is averse to me, usually. most of the dialogue is presented in this format, sans quotation marks:

-and this is my dinner service from the mortons. and this is the teashower. isn't it lovely? i'm showing you all these because you say you are not coming to the wedding. i'm really having an evening to show off my presents. and look at all the handkerchiefs and salad servers.

she was overwhelmed and excited.

i like that, 'she was overwhelmed and excited'. when i bent back the pages of the book the binding broke a little and it seemed like the pages were being held together by some sort of tacky glue. makes me rescind my thoughts on the good physical feeling of the books. hope to read this soon but the margins are quite small so it might be hard.

black coffee blues by henry rollins

141 pages

i bought this at the san francisco public library bookstore. there are maybe two poems in here, a list of '61 dreams 1986-1989' which is interesting to me. most of it seems like journal writing, which is cool. i like reading stories about women. i liked reading one part, where a girl is kissing a boy and a milk commercial comes on the television. the girl repeats what the girl in the commercial says ("ummm, yummy") and takes the boy's penis out of his pants. she talks into it like a microphone. the girl leaves because she's going to go see "that new ted bundy documentary". she says, "have you ever seen him, he is so hot. all my friends want to rip his clothes off. if any of them call here looking for me, tell them i am on my way, bye!"

museums & women and other stories by john updike
© 1967
282 pages

i bought this at adobe books while waiting for a reading to start. i went alone and felt self-conscious so i looked through the shelves manically. i liked the title of this so i bought it. the girl who i gave my money to said, "did you come for the reading or did you just walk in". i told her i had come for the reading. i felt nervous that she was accusing me of something, like i wasn't an authentic person if i had just 'happened' to walk in. i always try to read john updike. i have maybe four of his books i haven't read yet. this postcard was inside of the book. maybe the girl put it there, i don't remember. the title of it is 'there is nothing wrong in this whole wide world'.

2010-11-18T22:18:00.000-08:00

2010-11-17T14:52:00.000-08:00

i woke up this morning, early morning. 5 am, my alarm clock said. i was laughing out loud. my dream was hilarious. funny things were happening. i thought, 'i should write this down, i won't remember tomorrow.' i didn't write it down, i don't remember.

i walked down the street yesterday and a man stopped me and said, "miss, do the lights look bright to you? or am i on drugs?"
i said i didn't know, that it wasn't that bright, that it was nighttime.

he said, "okay then, someone must have poisoned and drugged me."

he seemed calm and i felt like whatever his situation was it wasn't really 'that big of a deal'.

i asked a girl a question in class. she is a swimmer, or at least that is what her sweatshirt says, which she wears every day. she has a lot of different colored earrings in both of her ears and eats a breakfast burritos in class. i often look at people and think, 'you shouldn't be eating that'. she had to scoot closer to me to hear what i was asking because other people in class were talking loudly. she is a small girl so it surprised me when she turned to tell everybody in class to 'shut up'. i felt embarrassed, like maybe people thought i had told her to do that, or something. she wanted to high five me maybe twenty minutes after this happened, in relation to a question i asked the teacher i wasn't sure if i was right about. it's weird to me when people want to forge connections with you under circumstances where it feels like you will never sustain the connection.

i am sitting in the atrium of my school and everyone seems like they are working on schoolwork. they have highlighters. some are sleeping in tiny wooden chairs and i feel like i am not doing enough. in general. even the people sleeping are more productive than i am. but i have aspirations; i do. i think i do.

i want to see a movie this weekend, so there's that.

2010-11-15T08:30:00.001-08:00

a play in three acts from crybaby on Vimeo.

asked my ex boyfriend if he thought i'd be famous one day

2010-11-14T03:58:00.000-08:00

he said, "yeah, i think so."

what my dad said about a story i wrote

2010-11-09T19:32:00.000-08:00

"Ohhh..... that one's almost like Miles Davis' music. It's all about the silence between the notes. Maybe only those of us who have been there can hear that silence. It makes the music what it is."

this is probably the nicest thing anybody will ever say to me

shitloads of coffee

2010-11-04T22:35:00.001-07:00

sometimes i am out of control

craigslist missed connection poem

2010-11-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

Wandering eye while reading Dostoyevsky at Food, Inc during lunch?

something to do

marina starbucks

Female Giants Fan on Bart

Short Blonde Hair, No Paint. Dios De Los Muerto Parade.

24Hrs VanNess

Grace (flight attendant for Virgin)

Cute Tall/Thin Asian Man in the Sunset

Gypsy.

what i did the last three halloweens

2010-10-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

2008

i was a college freshman and really into drinking vodka. went as a 'cokewhore'. many people did not think i was dressed as anything and expressed concern for my bloody nose. i remember thinking 'i am the only person dressed up'. jumped out of a window at a party because the cops came.

2009

this was the year the bay bridge was down and BART was running all night. went to berkeley with five or so friends. partied at a co-op. seemed cool, had a great time. 'reckless abandon' comes to mind. pictures turned out good.

2010

it's a sunday night, so this halloween involves doing homework and reading things on the internet. probably going to sleep early. the night before i dressed as 'the antichrist' or something, and felt a lot of regret the next morning. like, i am 'actually' going to hell now.

anxieties re:

2010-10-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

"if you want to check your email you can check it in the dean's office - when i report you to the dean - for checking your email"
"wait are you serious"
"very serious"

i had an awful nightmare last night i have never felt so frightened before, the dialogue preceding this sentence is not from the nightmare
i don't think

fictional characters from movies or television i can relate to based on personality, appearance, and mannerisms

2010-10-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

aldys - never been kissed
leelee sobieski plays a nerdy, cynical, and secretly cool teen. i myself sometimes feel nerdy, cynical, and secretly cool. the only thing is i would never be a mathelete. unfortunately in movies 'smart' people are 'all around smart'. she probably reads a lot of tolstoy and can also do ANOVA tables in her sleep, or something. i wonder if she takes any prescription drugs.

lelaina pierce - reality bites
the instances i feel most like lelaina pierce are when she can't define irony in a job interview or when she spends a week smoking pot and hours on the phone with a psychic. i feel like i would do this. i do not feel like lelaina pierce when she 'can't handle' that her best friend is in love with her and has to choose between two fairly good-looking men, a seemingly endless struggle that ends with her choosing the one who's more literate.

laney boggs - she's all that
like myself, laney boggs is a motherless child that cares for her 'wacky' 'out-there' 'atypical' family, consisting of her dad and brother. the similarities end here as i do not paint and i am not a 'secret hottie' working an embarrassing yet endearing part-time job. i can't escape my stereotype or 'rise above' as laney did in the end (spoiler alert).

annie hall - annie hall
annie hall is ethereal and feminine but does not dress that way, an attribute i can loosely apply to myself. she’s totally neurotic but not as much as woody allen, which makes them probably the best couple in film history. she likes to smoke pot before sex and is a little wild, in a bookish way. also she is a really bad driver.

annette hargrove - cruel intentions
reese witherspoon in cruel intentions doesn't have much in common with me except maybe our haircuts, but i admire her prudishness and reslience. she wears minimal makeup. falls in love by playing 'hard to get' which seems like a good way to approach things in the 21st century.

lisa simpson: obviously

2010-10-17T22:47:00.001-07:00

i ate two cups of cereal and i didn't even want it

dakota fanning is doing drugs in an ihop parking lot

2010-10-16T10:12:00.001-07:00

In a car she rented from Avis just for the day, just for fun. She wanted a convertible but they gave her an SUV which is fine with her anyways because she is small and the car is large and it just makes sense, like order has been restored in the universe and things make more sense, cosmic galaxies and shit like that. “Shit like that” she mumbles, glancing in her rearview mirror. Dakota Fanning receives about forty text messages a day and sends two on average, on a good day. She is popular and elusive and has great skin, great fucking skin that she takes for granted because baby, oh baby you’ll only be young once and you’ll only have a few more good movies until you don’t, until you’re dying and dead and when you’re dead you’re really dead.

it could happen to you

2010-10-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

Wake up. There’s a birthday party. The spiritual and physical presence of those you love are there, though you don’t always believe in spirits. You’re eating foods out of order. Margie feeds you cake. Ted brings out the crab soup. The cake feels stale and dry in your mouth. Other people come; teenagers, your brother’s friends. Someone brought a big black poodle to the birthday party and he begins to whine and pace about, pawing at people’s pants, panting. You grow stern. You would feel much better if everyone left. You grow irresolute but firm, then menacing and feverish. Teenage girls crowd your backyard, chain smoking cigarettes. They throw butts into the dirt. You inform them that you live in a non-smoking household. Teenage girls give you sass. You grab one girl by the hair. She’s black and you immediately consider that someone could interpret this as an act of racist violence. She grabs your ponytail and you struggle with each other’s hair while everybody watches. Go to bed. Hear people talking. Someone is looking for you and you hear him say that you really hurt that girl. Her dad is waiting for you outside your bedroom and hands you a hammer. She needed many more stitches than they thought, he said. Go upstairs. People are sitting around and haven’t gone to bed yet. Looking at the clock, you figure it’s 6 am. You pretend to hit someone in the head with the hammer but stop short, realizing it is in poor taste and adding feebly, “…just kidding.” A woman comes out of the kitchen wearing purple scrunchies in her hair. A man is holding her waist and dips her backwards. She puts her arm out for flair. She speaks with a lisp and grins. She has a face deep with wrinkles. You wonder who invited her.

BOOK REVIEW

2010-05-15T23:40:00.001-07:00

THIS WAS A GOOD BOOK

2010-04-16T02:33:00.001-07:00

take note

2010-04-11T16:27:00.000-07:00

just when da caterpillar thought the world was over he turned in2 a butterfly and..other things happened

news

2010-04-11T12:20:00.000-07:00

i'm so nuts

if there was a god he or she or it would be

2010-03-24T01:58:00.001-07:00

livejournal and caffeine

2010-02-24T15:05:00.000-08:00

2010-02-24T00:34:00.001-08:00

dreams

2010-02-17T00:43:00.001-08:00

1. get a chopper

2. ride thru america

boo hoo

2010-02-15T19:48:00.001-08:00

i gained 400 pounds

feelings

2010-02-11T02:26:00.001-08:00

wasabi

teen punx in luv

2010-02-10T00:56:00.001-08:00

2010-02-09T17:30:00.000-08:00

my wife and i met at a suicidal tendencies concert

2010-02-03T12:22:00.001-08:00

2010-02-01T00:09:00.000-08:00

i like always repeat myself like always

2010-01-28T23:18:00.001-08:00

2010-01-28T22:27:00.000-08:00

2010-01-25T23:11:00.001-08:00

WHITE MALE HEGEMONY. OR: DEVOTED TO A HAIKU

2010-01-10T07:25:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry you're obsessed with attention

it's very unbecoming

only some people matter

my favorite movies

2009-12-24T15:19:00.000-08:00

sleepless in seattle you've got mail when harry met sally big titanic

2009-12-16T20:25:00.000-08:00

If you purchase this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may have been stolen property and reported as "unsold and destroyed" to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this "stripped book."

2009-12-13T17:09:00.001-08:00

2009-12-11T18:07:00.000-08:00

2009-12-07T23:13:00.001-08:00

ugh, weird

2009-11-25T21:51:00.000-08:00

things i like to eat

2009-10-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

apples plums ice cream cones tofu dates beets

2009-10-15T21:02:00.000-07:00

2009-09-26T02:30:00.000-07:00

someone said "what's with this girl?" in reference to me. they were sitting two feet away from me so i didn't know if they wanted me to respond or not.

2009-09-26T02:25:00.001-07:00

bed bugs

2009-09-26T02:19:00.001-07:00

oh no

maybe i'll eat an avocado

2009-07-22T23:45:00.001-07:00

i should save more change!

i should eat more vegetables!

seems like i always eat fruits!

i should light more candles!

they make me feel at ease!

i should physically write things down on pieces of paper more often than i do now!

i should use more conditioner on my hair to make it feel softer!

i should bring my dog to parties all the time!

i should eat more vegetables.

i am really craving a steak right now

2009-07-22T23:37:00.000-07:00

i just ate two donuts

oops i got some glaze on my sweatshirt

"my wife and i met at a suicidal tendencies concert"

2009-07-14T01:39:00.000-07:00

today the ups guy came into my work and told me to stop texting, that my bosses had told him to watch me because i texted too much. he said i was in trouble and i think he was really serious. he had a hot drink from starbucks and i wanted to push him into the shelves and tell him to get back to work. his exact words were "keep an eye on you"

a poem about boyfriends

2009-07-11T22:52:00.001-07:00

someone said they saw me on a bus and were waving but i didn't notice i was running away from home at the time

i had a lot on my mind

someone on the bus was reading a magazine with michael jackson on the cover

i have been watching a lot of videos on the internet of him

during which i felt sadness, indifference, empathy, and a strong desire for worldwide fame

someone covered "i want you back" on the ukulele

it was good i guess

i just wish it was me

some things seem unattainable

2009-07-07T23:49:00.000-07:00

i feel like i am going to write more book reviews in the future

i feel like i am going to stop deleting things

and ripping pieces of paper into little bits

i feel like my hair is getting longer

literally

i feel it

2009-07-05T01:19:00.000-07:00

i want to kill everybody when i'm drunk

"alcohol is the devil"

i don't believe in god, but a lot of things are the devil

i'm not drunk right now, if you were wondering

i flossed my teeth today and it was one of those days where you realize you were performing a standard routine incorrectly your whole life

'i am mature now'

i have no patience

unrelated to anything, but still true.

i was serious earlier; i want to ichat with somebody

the bubbles are aesthetically pleasing

they comfort me almost

almost

one thing that is bad:

since my two front teeth are fake, from a bicycle accident last february, they can't whiten like normal enamel, using chemicals. i drink a lot of coffee, or maybe just a general amount, i don't know. but the real kicker is that i fear my teeth turning a horrible shade of brown and i won't be able to do anything about it.

i think my nine year old sister said a racist comment today

but i'm not sure

she says a lot of things

is my sister a racist

my eyes are focusing and unfocusing

unwillingly

sometimes this is the way i feel

2009-06-30T01:10:00.000-07:00

sometimes it's just like

"seriously? do i really look like that? really?

weird"

2009-06-26T19:06:00.000-07:00

i went to the drugstore and bought reese's peanut butter cups and a large container of body lotion. after riding to the park i sat down for a little bit and looked at all the dads and thought how they were all once dudes

i am taking myself really seriously right now

2009-06-26T00:43:00.000-07:00

Janet Reno is riding her bike so fast, like the tour de france but faster, she thinks, because she’s passing cars and hardly stopping at any stop signs. “I think I’m dead right now” she thinks, at the intersection of a moderately busy commercial street on the way to get to where she lives. If Janet Reno died she would want the velvet underground to play all the time, just because they seem like the absolute most appropriate. You know, ethereal, maybe. Desperate. “Such a perfect day,” Janet says out loud, yelling sort of, pedaling her bike and standing up a little bit, she isn’t wearing a helmet and feels reckless. There is a red blinking light clipped to her pants to warn the drivers of her presence. Janet Reno has already had a hairline fracture in her forearm as the result of carelessness. She thinks she forgot how to ride a bike, for a few minutes, and that’s when she crashed. It was traumatic and bloody, there was a lot of blood.

i got a check today in the mail

2009-06-26T00:23:00.000-07:00

it was from my school and i don't know why they gave it to me but i said "cool", and i'll go shopping maybe

i think it'd be important to be more of a self-starter, a go-getter, etc

really good things recently have included a free membership to the movie rental place in redwood city where they have genres of the week that are 7 day rentals for $1, it's awesome and cool. not as cool as the library where it is generally just free anyways. i don't know, other things make it cool too.

i should get contacts, and not just because i saw this really cool looking contact case in a store on laurel street today. it had cat eyes on it and, i don't know, just looked like "if i have to have bad vision i might as well have corrected vision every day and also keep my contacts in this cool case at night"

i like things that you can carry around in cool cases. sometimes i'd just prefer to have something i don't really need, but with a cool case. i just think that makes a big difference.

the thing about my vision is this: i can hardly see straight sometimes, and i used to have a lazy eye when i was six or seven, and i wore an eyepatch over my glasses. i always tell people that suddenly i had corrected vision and didn't have to wear glasses anymore. i think i just stopped wearing them and my parents didn't notice because i was self-conscious or something. i don't know, or maybe an optometrist really did tell me that i didn't need glasses.

in high school i got glasses again. i am one of those people who never knew they desperately needed glasses, but kept hitting things when driving cars. i had no clue it was even possible to see the leaves on trees.

oh

2009-06-23T22:59:00.001-07:00

today i rode my bike like the tour de france

my friends are jerks

2009-06-21T07:47:00.001-07:00

will i ever thrive in a social situation when the ultimate goal is intimate conversation/mild tactile involvement with a specific human being in mind where i am not completely humiliated

will i ever stop assuming i have been completely humiliated

will i ever own my own dog

will i ever

2009-06-21T02:14:00.000-07:00

i like to watch cops

i like to watch cops the tv show

i like to watch cops

it's such a good tv show

movie review!!!!

2009-06-19T12:08:00.001-07:00

yesterday i watched a documentary called kill your idols. it was interesting, cool, mostly interesting.

last night i started a movie called reprise, which is in norwegian but took me a while to figure that out, it is a weird language. it is good. it is very good. i'm going to watch the rest of it today. probably right now. but this one seems good. very good.

right now i have three pending event invitations on facebook and i haven't replied to any of them yet

2009-06-18T22:03:00.001-07:00

i am just tickled pink by my exclusivity today i decided: i will stop reading the book i am reading in the middle of it and start another one this is the wildest thing i've done all summer